It’s been a while, my dears


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It’s amazing – but true – if you drop a habit, it very easily becomes forgettable… and so it’s true. It’s been a while, my dears.

Somehow it’s the beginning of March and my year and my best intentions have run away with me.  There were such plans for change, and improvement, and peace, and happiness… and somehow, it’s all just the same – just later in the year.

The pickles are growing and changing all the time. They are my clearest vision on the passage of time.  Conversations become broader, clearer. Movement happens. And each day is a little step away from the neediness of babydom. And whilst being able to watch independence is pretty amazing, it can also be a little heart-breaking.

Particularly when change does not happen at that pace in my world anymore. or certainly not right now. I long for change. For shift. For a feeling that I can, and am making a difference. Yet it does not come.  My feet are stuck. Cemented in. And whilst I spend my time trying to help others move and grow – I solidify.

And yet every now and again I get a flutter in my heart. A feeling of space. Or growth. And it makes me believe again. That there is hope, for movement, for development. For the chance to become who I want to become. And i smile.  I’ll get there.  I just need to find the time. For me.  And so it comes full circle.  It’s been a while, my dears.