And the not so joyful

It was always going to happen, wasn’t it? A good few days onsite, feeling productive, focusing on the ‘there and then’ rather than everything else…

Has unsurprisingly led to the not so joyful state of being back in the office, tired after the long hours and jet lag, with a day full of meetings about a myriad of projects that now all urgently need attention and I feel like I can’t breathe under the weight of the pressure.

What can be delayed? Dropped? Apologised for? Who will it be best to upset and offend? As there is no way that I can do everything now required in the time available to me.

My nine days out of ten is working against me, tempting me with time off and disconnection, while taunting me with all I will fail against.

So, do I take the day ‘not working’ as planned,  and feel the stress mounting, knowing that the inbox will be stacking up with team and client requests for ‘have you done this yet?’

Or do I do (some) work – and p*ss the Husband off who was going to take the day off to spend with me, seeing as we’ve only seen each other for 1 night in the past 12 days, and he goes away again for the week on Sunday morning?

And I can’t even start to explain the pickle situation. I was too late home for them last night, just kissing their sleep ridden, sweaty heads when I got in, then rushing them out the door to school / nursery this morning… Only to not make it home in time to see them tonight due to meetings etc… I know I’m lucky that Daddio has been doing the looking after, and there has somehow always managed to be one of us to put them to bed, but this was not the plan when I had them.

So, I think the ‘ideal’ would be for hubby to say he can’t take the day off as he is too busy, I could then deal with all the pickle morning stuff, but in less of a rush, then work from home to clear all my urgent to-do’s ( as no one is expecting to see me in the office), have the conference call, write up my notes, make the plan for next week – and collect the kiddies in the afternoon – over-compensating for lack of time with cakes and chocolate…

Then, the only thing that has taken the backseat is the marriage… Yet somehow that probably scares me the most. As without an investment in the foundations of my life, how can I be really sure that all is as solid as it needs to be?

Short term, it seems the simplest solution.   Clients happier, kids happier, work stress levels managed and lowered…

but…

Long term, I’m really not so sure. And that, is truly, the not so joyful thought…

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