So, it’s coming to the end of the year and all sorts of things are drawing to a close.  In a good way.  Getting ready for the fresh start.

I’ve been in Shanghai for 4 months now, and it feels like home – for which I am truly grateful. The first Chinese move, all those years ago, did not end up feeling like home. So this is progress.

It has been an odd week for me though and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why, until I started singing along to the Coldplay track that provides the title to this week’s ramblings… And then it hit me…

“And the hardest part was letting go not taking part…” 

(amazing video as well, you have to wonder who sold the idea into them…)

I left London, and ‘my team’, mid project and this week they delivered the project, with huge success (and great fanfare I am sure) – and I was sat here, in Shanghai, watching the replay of the event on YouTube. (The most amazing part? It looked like the renders that had been drawn up of it all those months ago before I left – and that NEVER happens.)

And I realised that I had kind of being holding my breath out here.  Waiting for this event to come, and pass… so that now I can move on – and let go of some of the guilt (& yes, in all honesty, envy…) that I have been carrying around since I left.

That type of event, occasion, workload, stress, exhaustion, exhilaration – that was my bread and butter for years. Gathering the awesome team, pulling together a million strands, laughter (and tears), aiming to make it ever more engaging, ever more ‘perfect’ than last time – that was what I did. That was who I was.

But I am not that person anymore.

I walked away – made a conscious choice to leave it all behind. The project. The people. (The applause and the post-event thank yous.)

For good reasons. For the opportunity of a family adventure. The chance to redefine who I am and what I do.  (The fact that I even had the chance to make such a choice amazes me.)

But not taking part was indeed the hardest part.

The post event high-fives and slaps on the back, I can happily leave behind (although I did still hunt out, and then love reading, the thank you email of emails from one particularly wonderful client! – Team: remember the real pride in those words).

But the teamwork, the connections made, the emotions felt, the impossibles delivered – not being a part of that was the hardest part.

But now, I can file it away. Know that my loose ends are tied up.  Take a small level of pride from the job well done.

I can move on. Start in on working out what I want to come from 2017 (I will be writing one of these letters) and hope that the the old ‘my team’ are now getting some much needed rest and recuperation – and planning their own amazing futures!