Hello, my name is…

And I am a bad  shouty parent.

Does saying it outloud / writing it down make it any less guilt inducing? Do I get points for being honest at least? Will my children read this and understand that I didn’t mean to be shouty, and forgive me?

I can only imagine no, to all of the above.

Some days though, they just manage to irritate beyond any sensible level of acceptance. They push every button, to see how far they can go, to see if I will snap, and I fall for it far too often. Not every time, but more than I would like.

I should make them laugh (I said I would!!!!), distract them, ignore it, smother them with love, a million different things. But not shout. I know I should not shout.

But what do I do? I shout. And when they ignore me (because I’m shouting) I shout some more.

And I know it’s ridiculous. I am a grown woman of  almost 40, I can run a team of people and get great work done against all odds, I can manage budgets of millions of pounds, and justify my actions to Senior Execs, even when I have made mistakes… And it all turns out ok. I don’t shout at work. I can think of maybe 2 occasions in 12 years at my current company when I have shouted. I’m just not a shouty person.

But 5yr olds, and almost 4yr olds – they get me every time.

So once today’s guilt subsides, once I have tortured myself enough and begged their forgiveness, once I have got over myself and my ego, I will promise to be a calmer parent, and I will mean it, and I will try really hard.

I’ll let you know how I get on.