So, late home again. It appears that work is oddly addictive.
I can’t make out whether I’m just being good and sensible (and making the most of the fact that hubby is home this week, and so is doing more pick ups, whereas he’s away again next week and so I have no option of late evenings in the office) or whether I’m just incapable of stopping. And actually badly addicted to the idea that I must work longer/ harder to ‘atone’ for the ‘inconvenience’ that my flexible hours and reduced working days causes to others.
I officially work 9 out of 10 days since my return from maternity. I come in earlier than ‘normal’ and leave earlier than normal on the other days, and then log back on later in the evenings from home, to clear down etc.
But it is amazing how many meetings ‘have’ to happen outside of my known office times. And so I feel a constant, simmering level of guilt. Like a naughty school child as I leave the office each afternoon, before everyone else.
But then, on the days that I stay late in the office it becomes very apparent that plenty of people arrive ‘late’ in the mornings, and plenty of people leave dead on 530. And the bottom line is, that as long as the work is done, then the hours that it gets done in really doesn’t matter. As they say ( so very badly) in Frozen, I need to let it go!
I also just need to sanity check that bit of ego that gets excited when ‘only I’ can do a piece of work. To be wanted, to be very good at certain things is nice, is gratifying, can lead to a feeling of being valued – which is all great. But sometimes, being overly busy can really just mean that I’m being dumped on. And too stupid to say no. I don’t win any prizes for working late.
I just need to keep it all in check, and make sure that any balance works for me.
And tonight, having missed kiddie bathtime and bedtime again, knowing that I’ll likely end up doing the same again tomorrow, I’m not sure that the value equation does work for me.
And certainly not if I’m going to drown in my own guilt next week while hubby is away.
So… Work is oddly addictive. I just need to make sure the rest of life is too!